He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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