the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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