Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
