does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
