Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize