Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
