idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
