she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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