do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
