I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
