it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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