i don't like sucking hair
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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