They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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