God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
