i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just found puke in my bra..
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
