There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize