Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
