lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
