I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
