then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
