Buhtt sex?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
