Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
