you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
