my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I love having hate sex.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
