I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
