its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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