Princesses don't give blow jobs
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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