I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
