Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
