So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
