I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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