Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Don't tell me you're on acid again
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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