Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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