NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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