You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
