y did u give ur computer a hand job?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
whose parrot is this?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
