Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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