hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
