Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
