You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
