i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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