I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
