People with herpes should wear stickers.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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