Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
