Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
