The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
