This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize