Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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