How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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