Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
