he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
