I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
