I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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