so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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