Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
