That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
