i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
