Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
