Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
even my farts smell like vagina
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
