Whats the glycemic index on semen?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
