He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
