North Korea, Best Korea!
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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