she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
