1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Can I color on your dick again?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
as a side note pls kill me
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