Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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