I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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