I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
where am i from again
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
