he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
