Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
