She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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