Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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